


dark star (why don't you kill me?)

by GoddessOfTheVoid



Series: short multifandom ficlets [6]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Extended Metaphors, Flashbacks, Heartbreak, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion is a Mess, Jaskier's Mother - Freeform, M/M, Moments of happiness, POV Jaskier | Dandelion, Stars, no beta we die like stregebor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:36:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoddessOfTheVoid/pseuds/GoddessOfTheVoid
Summary: Stars had been a part of Jaskier's life since early childhood. Through pain and happiness, he always cherished them, until he had to learn that even they could not protect him from the deep anguish of heartbreak.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Series: short multifandom ficlets [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629358
Comments: 10
Kudos: 30
Collections: The Witcher Flash Fic Challenge #013





	dark star (why don't you kill me?)

**Author's Note:**

> it's the middle of the night and I need to sleep but here's my flashfic entry. Title and verse in the end taken from the song [Dark Star by Deine Lakaien](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWI2x1pGwco) and I hope you'll enjoy the read :D

As a child Jaskier used to love the stars in the sky.

Bright lights illuminating the scary darkness, protecting him from any danger that might have lurked inside it.

He was watching them each night with curious eyes, held in the safety of his mother’s arms as she told him stories about them.

It was then when she told him that he had his very own stars, rainbow-colored they were inside him and around him. Sent from the sky to be a part of his life and protect him.

At first, he was excited — as any child would be — happy to figure out where his stars were and when he would notice them.

_Soon enough_ , his mother had said. And she had been right because it was not long until he knew what she meant by that.

The first star he remembered was blue.

Bright blue.

Like the flowers in their garden.

Like the waters of the rivers around them and the sky above him.

And just like his mother’s eyes.

It was such a cold color and yet it held so much unexpected warmth.

For him blue felt like safety, like love and happiness. Blue was the color he sought comfort in, the blanket he wrapped around himself whenever he was lonely and afraid.

Blue was the sound of music and laughter in the big halls of their home, the stories he got told each night about princes and knights, about fighting monsters and the triumph of love.

It shaped him, turned him into who he was.

His passion for music and stories was blue. Brightness shining out of him as he played and sang.

It was happiness.

Until the blue faded, more and more, once sickness began to ravage it. Until there was not much left of it before it disappeared entirely. Rotting beneath the ground there was no more blue.

Only cold where once such warmth had been.

Blue was his color now, overtaking him as what was left of his mother lived inside him.

Every time he looked in the mirror he saw the same eyes.

But they were not home. They were nothing but a vessel for his broken, once so innocent, soul.

There was no regret when he left the place he had once called home.

Not when his true home was long decayed.

Green was the path he took, through forests and cities, thought the entire continent.

It made him feel alive again, gave him the freedom of his own choice. And most importantly it gave him happiness. It freed him from the chains that tied him to the prison of his former home and gave him new hope when he had already thought he’d lost it.

And yet something was missing, something he could not yet name or place.

He just hoped that he would find it eventually. And until that moment he would just keep searching.

For now he had his music, for now it was enough.

For now he could ignore the yearning.

Until he could no more.

Until he entered a tavern in Posada and found what he had been searching for.

His favorite star was golden yellow.

Warm amber and catlike eyes. And a deep attraction he had never experienced like that.

Yellow was what he had been missing for so long, he realized. He had lost the core of his blue before he left the remnants of his former home, wandered through the green aimlessly until he finally found what he was missing. In this run-down tavern.

There was no green without yellow, there was no life on the path without the other half of him.

He thought he had been happy before. Yet it was nothing compared to the happiness he experienced now.

He had everything he needed. His music and Geralt.

A travel companion. A protector. And a lover.

It quickly turned into something he never wanted to lose again.

Yellow was the light shining upon their skin as they laid in bed, as he was held and cherished.

Gold erupted beneath his eyes as his body convulsed in pleasure.

The warmth of his lover as he was held when he was freezing, providing comfort to each other across the harsh reality that awaited them outside.

Soft kisses shared in the cover of the darkness, the stars their only witness as they shone upon them.

A monster and his whore.

Yet it did not matter to him what people said. He was happy with his life, there was nothing else he wanted or needed.

He had his own star that guided him. The darkness to his light. His own dark star that burned lighter than any other before him.

It was too good to be true.

It was only a matter of time until something happened. Until the yellow lost its warmth, until the flame died atop of the mountain.

There, on a place as close to the real stars as he could get, they betrayed him, betrayed the hope he had held onto for his entire life.

And he watched the golden flame flicker and die, hopelessly, as it burned into the ashes of his former happiness. Glowing red embers taunting him. 

Red was the anger burning through his veins.

The violent explosion of an erupting star, caused by the grief of his broken heart.

Expanding inside his chest until it consumed him.

There was nothing but grief and anger.

It was uncontrollable, consuming everything in its path.

Until there was no more happiness, no more memories he could recall.

A barren wasteland of burnt memories.

And the freezing cold that engulfed him.

In the distance he could see the stars sparkling, fractals of colorful light, blurred by his tears and mocking him in his pain.

A cruel reminder of what he had lost.

He would have preferred the complete darkness of the night instead.

No lights.

No more stars.

Just the black color of his rotten heart. Stabbed to death by an invisible knife, by words as sharp as the deadliest sword.

He might have just as well killed his body. For it was nothing but a shell without its soul.

The last star inside of him had died, collapsing in itself as the mass of grief grew too much to bear, its weight too heavy for his small heart. Leaving him to stumble across the continent in darkness.

Devoid of any emotion he was nothing more than a vessel for this gaping black hole.

It was on this day, when he learned the cruelest lesson.

For the star that burned too bright would soon find its death.

_dark star you are the light of my night_

_dark star won't you be my guide_

_dark star why do you run from me_

_dark star why don't you kill me?_


End file.
